Koumajou Side Story: Strange Affair
by Iced Fairy
Summary: Time magic can have very strange side effects. Cast into a Gensoukyo similar but different from her own, Sakuya Izayoi finds the most confusing person to deal with is herself.


_This is my friend Ruro's fault. Well her and the two cosplayers who gave her the idea. It's also crack, as the rating might suggest_

* * *

I carefully gave the fairies my best glare without actually resorting to scowling. "Now return to your duties. And stop juggling the axes."

"Yes ma'am," the unrepentant maids replied before scattering to the winds. I sighed, then allowed my expression to return to my usual expressionless mask. I really wasn't too upset at the fairies, but it was important that they thought I was. Showing that their antics were mildly amusing would only encourage them in the future.

As my counterpart consistently proved time and time again.

"I see you're done, miss Izayoi. Great work."

I found myself sighing again. Turning I found my other self smiling. It was disconcerting to see such a carefree smile on my own face.

"You of all people can refer to me by my first name you know," I replied.

"Ah, but I wouldn't want to confuse the fairy maids," Sakuya said.

I frowned, but held my peace. It was a good excuse, but I knew the smiling maid across from me had no issue with confusing the fairy maids whenever the mood struck. Sakuya had no issue confusing anyone if the mood struck her. The blue clad maid had done it for months after the incident a year ago.

It had in fact been a full year since that day. The day I had been ripped from my world just as I was about to punish Yukari Yakumo for her role in the second "Koumajou" incident. I had somehow tumbled through time and space to this Gensoukyo. A Gensoukyo of brighter colors and more distant dueling, though one that was still just as hectic at times as my own.

I had been lucky. The residents of the mansion had been kind to me. They had even worked to send me home at first, until they learned the truth. I had been ripped from my correct timeline, but I wasn't the true Sakuya Izayoi of that world. I was a time double, an accident of the strange power that I wielded. It was impossible for me to return to the timestream that I remembered as my own without destroying my individuality.

And so the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion had taken me in, again. Sure there were differences between the worlds. Patchouli was a little more openly sarcastic, Meiling slightly more competent, the mistress more playful, and the little sister slightly less insane. But I recognized them all.

It was my other self that confused me the most. The constantly smiling maid Sakuya. A carefree woman in light blue and white in stark contrast to my own deadpan mask and black pinstriped uniform.  
I shook off my ruminations and turned my attention fully to the other maid. "Do you need my help for something? My duties for the day are mostly done."

"Yes actually. There's a small problem that you can help with." Sakuya's smile widened as an explosion rattled through the mansion. "Marisa's broken into the library again, but it's the Mistress' tea time. Could you handle it?"

I felt my eye twitch. In the time it took for Sakuya to find Marisa breaking in then find me and tell me, she could have solved the matter herself. Or at least made an attempt. Still there was nothing to be done about it now. "I see. I'll take care of it then."

Sakuya nodded. "Thank you so much."

I stopped time and began walking towards the library. As I left I felt Sakuya activate her own ability and begin moving towards Remilia's room. It was amazing how often Sakuya came to me with an emergency. And even more amazing how often the other woman coincidentally couldn't help, or for some reason forgot the obvious solution to the problem.

At least the mansion was easy to navigate. We had discovered that for all our differences our powers were exactly the same. Thus we both instinctively understood each other's time manipulations and could work with or around them. I reached the library within a minute of stopped time.

As I walked through the door I took stock of the situation. Patchouli was down, already beaten, one of the bookcases was slightly blackened by what was most likely the spell that defeated Patchouli, an end table was overturned and its lamp was broken. Minor damage then. Looking at the perpetrator I found Marisa was standing on the ground today. That was a bit strange. Usually the young magician prefered to start her battles in the air, indicating she wanted to use danmaku primarily. Starting a fight while on the ground signaled you wanted to use physical attacks as well.

Well I wasn't one to question my foe's errors. I allowed myself to phase back into normal time as I readied my weapons. "I'm sorry, but the library is closed today for repairs. Could you come back later?"

"Ack! Sakuya!" Marisa hopped back at her sudden entrance. It was so pleasant surprising people like that. "Oh great, and the serious one at that. Why couldn't I get the smiley maid?"

"Probably your bad karma." I moved to Patchouli's side. "Lady Patchouli, should I escort this ruffian out?"

Patchouli coughed and gave me a dark look. "Yes," she wheezed.

"Well you can try," Marisa cried out as she spun her broom. Taking that as the invitation to start the fight, I turned around, then somersaulted backwards to land next to Marisa.

As the magician staggered away from my sudden advance I drew my favorite sword and slashed at her. The enchantments to prevent it from killing slowed the cut a little, but the silver blade still had the hungry sheen that drew me to it back when I first acquired it.

Marisa barely parried the blade with her broom, getting dumped on the floor for her efforts. "Holy shit! The hell is that? Yumeko's supposed to be the crazy sword nut, not you Sakuya!"

"Oh? Has my counterpart put away the sword? Strange," I mused. It had been a long time since I'd seriously considered giving up my vampire hunting blade. Of course my knives were my best weapon but...

I realized my carelessness as Marisa flung herself into the air. "Well if we're gonna play rough, take these!" The Magician tossed out several bottles from her hat, ones that I knew packed quite an explosive punch.

A wave of my hand summoned several silver knives, then a thought stopped time. I carefully judged where each bottle would end up, then threw knives at those locations. Then as an after thought I tossed a blade straight at Marisa's face. With that handled I restarted time.

"Wah-!" Marisa fell to the ground as explosions ripped through the library again. I was mildly disappointed the blade hadn't hit Marisa, but at least her attack had been stopped.

"Would you like to go home now?" I asked as I retrieved another brace of knives. The young magician girl had to realize the fight was no longer going her way.

Marisa growled and pulled out her Hakkero. Apparently the witch was in a fighting mood. "It ain't over yet! Let's see you handle my Master Spark!"

I prepared myself to escape the blast when the sensation of time stopping washed over me. Sakuya waved to me as she stepped into the library, then casually threw a batch of knives at the magician. I took the time the other maid gave me to grab Patchouli and leave the area of Marisa's attack.

Honestly I didn't really need to bother. As time resumed Sakuya's knives struck Marisa dead on. The magician yelped as the enchanted blades tore her clothes and sent her sprawling, her own attack lost. "Please avoid damaging the library more. It would be a shame if we had to spend more time repairing it," Sakuya said.

Marisa slowly wobbled to her feet, her frown deepening. "Hey, two on one is cheating you know."

Sakuya curtsied. "Ah, but you only faced Sakuya Izayoi."

I nodded. "Indeed. Surely Marisa Kirisame is match for a simple maid."

"Augh, you two make my head hurt sometimes," Marisa adjusted her hat then hopped on her broom. "You win this time Sakuya. I guess we'll have to finish up later Patchy." And with that the black white mage flitted out of the library.

As soon as Marisa was out the window we both stopped time, almost simultaneously. I moved to the entry window to close and lock it, while Sakuya moved to the end table and righted it before sweeping up the lamp shards to be fixed later. I did a bit of light dusting on the shelves while my other self got another lamp to replace the old one. When the room had been mostly returned to order we moved back to our original positions before allowing time to restart.

"Are you alright, Lady Patchouli?" I asked.

"Are you alright, Miss Patchouli?" Sakuya asked.

Patchouli glared at us as she stood up. "If you insist in speaking on unison please at least say the same line," she muttered.

"Sorry, that wasn't our intention, Miss Patchouli," Sakuya said.

"My apologies, but that was not our intention, Lady Patchouli," I said.

Patchouli closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before just shaking her head and glaring at both of us. "Well, in any case, I am fine now. I would appreciate it if you dealt with intruders a little faster."

I did my best to keep a straight face as I replied, "You insisted we should be more catlike Lady Patchouli, so it seemed proper to play with our catch."

"Ah!" Sakuya giggled. "That is rather catlike."

Patchouli rubbed her forehead. "In this case I'll accept more human behavior." She floated over to her chair and plopped down. "Thanks for removing the rat. Please make sure she does not disturb me again."

"Of course, Miss Patchouli," Sakuya said. I nodded my head in agreement.

I turned to head back to the main part of the mansion, Sakuya moving to my side as we exited the library. "You arrived quickly. Did the mistress decide to skip tea?" I asked.

"Ah!" Sakuya clasped her hands together as her eyes widened. "I forgot, she told me Tupai escaped again." She turned up to face me, her smile returning. "We should go find it."

I raised an eyebrow at that. She forgot that the mansion's pet chupacabra had escaped? In less than ten minutes? Still, there was nothing I could do about that. "I suppose we should."

Stopping time I moved to the window, brushed aside the thick curtains, and hopped out. Our first job was to make sure it didn't get outside. Apparently the last time it broke out it had made it all the way to the village. That would make searching more difficult.

Sakuya followed me out the window landing gracefully next to me. As she looked over to me I pointed back towards the window. "Shouldn't we shut that?"

"Oh! Of course." I shook my head as she flew up to the window to close it. Somehow she'd remembered to draw the curtains behind her, so no sunlight could bother our mistress, but forgotten the window itself.

As she returned to my side I allowed time to resume. It was too easy to miss hiding creatures in the still world outside time. I began walking alongside the mansion, making sure all the other windows were closed.

Sakuya moved to walk beside me, humming a light tune. After a bit I raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't it be better if we split up?"

"Two searchers are better than one," she replied. "And splitting up never works well on a hunt."

"We preferred to work alone," I commented as we rounded the corner.

She giggled. "Well Sakuya's the only one here, no?"

I shrugged. "I suppose that's true." Seeing there was no use arguing I continued the rounds, keeping an eye out for movement. The furtive dashing of small animals was the best sign something was moving in the area. However the squirrels and sparrows only seemed to be fleeing from her.

Finally we finished our circuit. It seemed that the mansion was still secured, and that Tupai hadn't escaped onto the grounds. "Hm... Well its still inside. I guess we'll have to search there." I closed my eyes and began to consider where a blood drinking youkai might be.

I needn't have bothered. A scream, followed by the crash of a fairy dashing through a window without bothering to open it. Fortunately for my sanity, the latch was weaker than the frame, meaning that the window merely burst open instead of breaking. The fairy flew past us screaming "Monster! Monster! Sharp pointy death has come for us!"

"Oh dear," Sakuya said.

I stopped time and hopped through the window. This time Sakuya shut it behind her as she followed me. When I was certain the window was at least partially secured I restarted time.

I was rewarded by the skittering dash of an escaping chupacabra to my right. I nodded then started to stop time again when Sakuya grabbed my arm. "This way," she cried.

"Ah-!" My concentration broken, I found myself dragged along as Sakuya ran after Tupai. The little chupacabra ricocheted through the halls like the superball Flandre had bought once, with Sakuya dragging us in hot pursuit. Vases wavered dangerously and fairy maids screamed and ran away as we scrambled through the mansion.

Finally the creature hopped into a room, forcing Sakuya to slow down and kick open the door fully. With a grimace I stopped time, bringing the other woman's run to a halt. "Oh. Right," Sakuya said with a grin.

Sighing I untangled my arm from hers, then walked into the room and grabbed the offending pet by the scruff of its neck before restarting time. The creature briefly struggled, then went limp like a cat would. A strange reaction for a bloodsucker, but one that served me well. "There. Now to get the cage."

"It's with the mistress," Sakuya replied. "Shall we join her."

I nodded. "Yes." It would be good to see Lady Remilia today.

We both stopped time again to escort Tupai back to Remilia's tea room. The mistress was enjoying a book along with her tea it seemed. That was good. While Lady Remilia's antics when bored could be amusing, they were also usually quite demanding. A good book could keep her for a week, reading and rereading.

I carefully placed Tupai into its cage while Sakuya took up a place opposite Remilia. After I made sure the chupacabra's home was secured, I moved to Sakuya's side and let time resume. "The situation is solved my lady," we said in unison.

"Ah, Sakuya and Sakuya," Remilia smiled and looked up from her book. "Good work. I hope there wasn't too much damage. I heard an explosion."

Sakuya shook her head. "That was Marisa's fault, Lady Remilia. Tupai here just messed up one of the rooms a little."

Remilia blinked in surprise. "Marisa? You did properly scold her, yes?" Apparently Sakuya had somehow failed to inform our mistress of the other intrusion.

"She was repelled with the proper amount of humiliation, though I focused more on making sure Lady Patchouli was unharmed," I stated.

"Ah, yes we wouldn't want Patchy to be too annoyed," Remilia replied magnanimously. She was probably fully aware that Patchouli was annoyed anyway, but the mistress secretly enjoyed that.

"Do you need anything else, Lady Remilia?" Sakuya asked.

Remilia turned her attention back to her book. "No, thank you. Please continue turning guests away for the rest of the day."

"As you will Lady Remilia," we replied before stepping out.

Several feet down the corridor I realized we were walking in the same direction at the same pace. It was something that happened occasionally, and it was always disconcerting. "I'm capable of cleaning up the room Tupai messed up. You should probably calm the fairies."

"Calming the fairies is most likely a job for two people," Sakuya replied with a wink. "We should finish the cleaning first."

The explanation was nonsense, but I suppose it might be for the best. I hesitated to imagine the stories she'd feed the little fairy maids. Instead I turned my attention to the room as we entered. It seemed there was little physical damage, other than to the bedsheets that the creature had punctured. It was barely noticeable, but almost perfect wasn't good enough for the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

I pulled the sheets off the bed, then pulled out a new set from the rooms closet before starting to make the bed. "What did you have in mind for handling the fairies?" I asked idly as I tucked in the covers.

"I was thinking perhaps we could use the good cop, bad cop routine. Perhaps I could be the bad cop," Sakuya replied as she pulled out a clashing set of pillow covers.

I stopped and turned to face the woman. "You have to know that I know you're doing this deliberately. Why?"

Her grin widened. "It's important not to take life so seriously, right?"

Something snapped within me at those words. I reached out and cupped her chin, forcing her to look me in the eyes. "It's not proper for someone who wants to die to smile like that."

Sakuya's eyes flew open wide at that, her smile vanishing in shock. When it returned there was a sorrow there she'd never shown me before. "Even if my life is an aberration, I made a promise long ago to enjoy the presence of those I love." She reached up and stroked my cheek. "Even if my smile is hollow, it has to hurt less then your mask. When will you smile, Sakuya Izayoi?"

"When you finally smile for yourself instead of just for everyone else," I replied softly.

Her hand froze for a second, then slowly moved behind my head. She moved forward slightly, her lips inviting me without a word. And suddenly I understood what she, no what we both needed.

I let my own hand slip from her chin to her shoulder before drawing her into my embrace. I started to take her lips, but she was faster, kissing me deeply, her tongue already searching inside my mouth. She pushed me back to the bed, and I resisted only long enough to slam the door shut with a thrown knife. It wouldn't be right to mar this by stopping time.

We clung to each other, kissing desperately, pausing only to gasp for breath. Her hand found its way to my thigh. Mine slipped beneath her collar. I felt her soft back, marred only by the scar we both carried.

It wasn't enough. We needed to be closer. I tore off her kerchief and started on her buttons as she pulled off my skirt. We pulled away each others clothing baring our true selves. Our hands explored our bodies, rediscovering ourselves. Examining every soft curve and jagged scar. Showing each other that there was someone out there who understood and accepted who we were without reservation or explanation.

The climax was almost an intrusion into our desperate joining, but neither of us could pull away. We were one in a way no other two people could be, and right now we were together. The experience peaked, sending electricity through our bodies for what seemed like forever. And then it was done.

I collapsed next to her. The powerful need that had driven me was gone, though I felt relaxed. Calm. Sakuya slipped her arm beneath my neck and pulled herself next to me, but there was just simple closeness in the action, not desire. I slowly exhaled then lightly brushed her hair away so I could see her eyes. They were open, and while they weren't shining like they normally were, I could see there was no falsehoods. I wondered what she saw in my eyes.

Whatever it was her smile returned. She caressed my cheek and said quietly. "Well, when people said learning to love yourself was a rewarding experience I didn't realize how right they were."

I groaned and flopped back onto the pillow. Sakuya hummed in concern. "Hm? Was the joke really that bad?"

"No," I replied. "It's just I wanted to use that joke. Now I have to think up something else."

Her happy laughter rang sweetly through the room, and I allowed myself, ever so slightly, to smile.


End file.
